How did I dare to update my profile?

(the real deal with imperfections and secret superpowers)

 

Only a few years ago I would have shuddered to post this on social media!!
If you’re a girl you probably noticed it.
Did you?

 

It’s such a subtle thought process, I almost missed it, too
The first thought on my mind when I saw the pic was: oh shit, you can see my cellulite!!
Argh 😤

 

Did you think this too? be honest!
If you didn’t, ok cool, maybe you’ve been through something similar before, condescending on your own body or sb else’s.
And if you did, lemme tell you this:
it’s flipping OK!
This is not a rant post about why or why not you thought what you thought.
You see, it’s not your fault.
It’s nobody’s fault really.
We’ve just adopted all these beliefs around our body, body image and all sorts of ideals and then… all the stuff that is anti-ideal.
And it triggers reactions.

 

To be very raw here, as I was flicking through the pictures to choose one, I was really looking for a pretty line of my legs and a smile! I wanted the picture to express the
playful energy I was in, during that moment.
My friend had proudly announced he took several of them so I could choose.
Now they all looked nice in terms of the 3 points I wanted to feature.
Except: they ALL had that ragged texture showing on my thighs.
I closed my phone and felt so many different things. It all passed in a wink of a moment, yet this is what your mind does: it takes over, and FAST!!
It was all so intricate and complex.
I will reveal ALL of it!
psychedelic-zig-zag-spider-web-fractal-107-rose-santuci-sofranko

 

Disappointment.

Why didn’t he change the angle? or notice it doesn’t look good that way?

 

Guilt.

Bummer, I’m fat.
I used to have muscly quads during my dancer years, and now it’s over.
My body lost the shape.

 

Frustration.

It will take me ages to recover!
I may never have a toned body again.

 

Sadness.

I won’t be loved as much.
I lost the love for myself and my body.

 

Denial

Could I edit it somehow?
Maybe a filter would hide it?
Or I could just take another one.

 

Anger.

Why didn’t I work out more?
I hate myself.

 

Fear.

Other women have much nicer bodies than me.
All the yoga teachers and fit girls in my audience will judge me.
I won’t be taken seriously anymore.

 

Abandonment.

Then, I gave up on posting it completely.
I rejected my initial idea and left it.

 

It took me around 30mins to check in with myself and realise what just had happened.
Did I really just give up on this idea?
Just because of my cellulite bubbles??
F&£# yes, I did!
No f£&#ing way!!!!

 

So I went back into my phone and looked at my face:
I was radiant!
Undeniable truth, right there!

 

reality-check-for-big-pharma-and-medicare-part-d

 

Reality-Check.

I’m in Hawaii, having an unbelievable time!
I feel amazing like NEVER before!!
I get blessed with miracles ALL THE TIME!!!
My heart sings for joy every single flipping day I wake up here!
I have refuelled my dance mojo, made incredible friends in only 2 weeks!
I feel sexy, erotic and magnetic like a goddess all the time!
I’m in the Waimea Valley, one the most epic places in O‘ahu’s North Shore.
I just balanced on a flipping pole that’s less than a squarefoot wide to play with this beautiful dancer pose in the landscape and my only reason for not posting this REAL EXPRESSION OF MYSELF is the cellulite on my legs?!?!?

 

Can you feel the humour?
I mean, seriously!
No spiritual bypassing in this, I promise (I did the whole emotional clearing), but isn’t the mind just a funny bastard sometimes?
Lol.

 

hawaii map

 

The invitation.

I could have abandoned myself. Forsaken on the celebration of this moment.
Yet, there was something deeper for me to feel through!
There was that moment of self-love that I could propel myself into fuller “beingness”.Embodying the Mother aspect in myself, holding myself in that space of hurt, even if it was so incredibly painful.
Just allow the pain to be there.
And then re-connect deeper.

Taking space in the world, REGARDLESS of what the judgemental mind was saying.

Giving myself the full picture anew.
Realising that my body is a temple for my soul to express itself!

My beautiful body deserves so much love, so much nurturing and so much presence.
My body is a vessel for me to explore my life!

It’s not an object to be placed on some pedestal, and labelled or abused.

My BODY is the gateway!

Full stop!

 

Resolution.

So I returned to the idea to post this picture regardless.
And yes I edited it, but this time I edited it to emphasize the coulours and the spirit of the moment.
Flashy bold vibrant playful!

So beautiful souls, please take this into your heart: hold yourself tight today, squeeze yourself like a gorgeous newborn!
There’s always a way back to self – love!
Every single time!
No exceptions!
Wishing you bliss and ecstasy today!
I’m now about to jiggle my juicy legs to some more zouk beats!
Boom chick chick, Boom…

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