(What no entrepreneur owns up to, unless they’ve made the gold
& How and why I’ve been chickening out of my real size too…)
So this morning I had a beautiful share with a beloved being about all kinds of things and the conversation propelled a huge realisation in my mind.
All this time, in the past few weeks I had been playing damn small.
So small, that I stopped creating regular content.
I had stopped to do videos on my social media.
I had gotten myself into this safe space, but it was so small and contained that I had not even noticed it.
And so, I’m writing this blog as a massive apology to you, who have been following me as a leader and visionary, who I feel I betrayed.
But especially to my soul, because I had actually started to move away from my committed path:
showing and speaking the truth, yes!
the REAL truth…. not just the one that is in consumable bite sizes!
And I had to call myself out on my own BS.
My beloved said, well do what feels right.
But I could tell, that “doing what feels right!” was actually leading me astray!
It was leading me down the road of waiting “for the right moment2, you know, the one where you “have it all figured out and digested”.
And here’s what happens when you believe that thought.
It’s so tiny and almost imperceptible (especially because it actually serves the lower mind to be in power of winning).
Wow… and it had passed me by ALL THIS FUCKING TIME!!!
I was about to go down the “safe path!” again and CHICKEN THE FUCK OUT of showing who I really am!!!
So I said, fuck that!
I AM NOT CHICKENING OUT!!
I am going to stand rooted in my grounds and display who I am,
especially the ugly stuff that’s been going on my mind lately.
So here are the things that I thought were going to destroy me, my reputation, my integrity, my face, my everything!
And deep down, I knew I had to step up to the game.
Yes Yes Yes!
And I feel sick to the core to admit this, but I will regardless, because I really believe that we need to be able to break sometimes to break open wider!
To get to the mud, into the ruts of it and display our struggle as much as our gold!
Here are the chicken-stories:
– admitting that I’m not making 10K+ a month will lower my credibility and reputation as a coach
– I keep running out of cash and I have to hide it, because it makes me look like a victim
– I’ve been couchsurfing, sharing people’s homes, wandering from place to place and it’s “not right” to do it this way
– I am highly sensitive to people’s energies and it makes me “anti-social” or “incapacitated” as a human being
– I should keep my sexual adventures and experiences to myself, because it’s nobody’s business
– my marketing is outwardly “bold AF” and “in your face” because nobody fucking listens otherwise, even though it doesn’t feel like it’s the true “Lisy”
– I’m not excited about taking selfies in front of big monuments and do a sight-seeing sprint: it disgusts me, in fact! but OMG I can’t say that, because people think that what I should be doing: take advantage of being in “amazing places” to do “amazing things”: in truth I’ve been indoors a lot working through my next launches and clearing/tuning into myself, because the city lifestyle plays massive havoc on my system
– If people don’t pay me, they’re not real clients and so I shouldn’t claim their success rates with the public
– going public with manifested gifts and value is “nothing” because “nobody gives a shit, if it’s not real cash”
So basically…. all these stories created a massive plug in my energy field and I just needed to pull the plug and remind myself to go TO TOWN in terms of owning my own teachings: show the raw truth!
And thereafter to realise how fake these stories were in comparison to the REAL SIZE I can take in the world!
so, the reality-check 1on1:
+ what about OWNING IT ALL?! (yes both light AND dark!)
+what about the BIG ASS WHY behind creating a platform that transforms & transcends empowerment for every being on the planet (see the FGM section below)
+what about my INTUITION SUPERPOWERS that have led me to the most soul-fueled experiences and knowings, synchronicity and everything magic so far?
+ what about all the connections, friendships and partnerships I created along this 4 month trip so far?
+ what about the 13K’s worth of value I manifested in accomodation, food and countless gifts I never needed to pay for?
+ what about the ripples of change I propelled in the 40 people I coached and supported in the past 6 months? messaging me weekly and daily about their small victories and success stories?
+ what about all the ways I kept in-check with my boundaries, owning my body and my sovereignty to ONLY make love to lovers and spending time with people I felt the FULLBODY FUCK YES for. All the times I removed myself from or dismantled situations that felt out of integrity for me, without blinking ONCE! (yes even if it came to the situation of lying completely naked in bed and speak up that I don’t desire to make love and to have it respected!)
+ what about the courage I’ve propelled in myself by just jumping into the unknown of the world with 500£ in my account? doing things I never thought I would do (such as climb down a 30m waterfall in the Blue Mountains!)
+ what about the lessons and tales I’ve picked up on my journey to learn about who I am in the world: discovering that I am a leader from the heart, with power, sovereignty and integrity with my values
+ what about the truths that I’ve spoken about so far, despite the risk of being judged, scrutinised, criticised or shamed for (abortion, rape, sexual liberation, sex magic, orgasms, and all things taboo that holds human beings down and disempowered!)
+ what about ALL the leaps of success I do every single day that nobody sees? no will ever see?
I dare you to dare!!!
Dare the haters to come up to you and throw you down!
Dare the fears to come and haunt you back into your little place to hide!
Dare the ones who say they have big dreams but never do shit to get dirty &
grind up the muddy hills!
Dare the ones who create and hide their raw art in the bottom drawer to bring it out &
show it to the world!
Dare the silent ones to step bigger than ever, speak louder than ever!
Dare to challenge yourself to do what scares TF out of you &
do it first thing in the day!
Yes, dare to be on the other side of fear saying:
thank you, but I’m going this way now!
Dare to reveal your long-held secrets,
step up to the platform with a fierce & bold heart!
Remember why you are here!
Remember there’s somebody out there who needs you to speak up!
Remember why you need to make those millions!
This world runs on money & money is a fucking divine joker if you know HOW to put it into action!
It may not buy your health back when it’s gone, but it sure can save people’s lives, offer shelter, support, resources and all other extensions of love for those who need it.
I needed to remember WHY I NEED TO STOP HIDING!
My desire is for every single woman and man on the planet to be the sovereign owner of of their own body, their voice, their dreams, their sexuality and pleasure: to live a life they really desire and that fulfils them and their loved ones to the brim!
I remembered the documentary on FGM (female sexual mutilation) I saw years ago and how it shook me to the core:
this atrocity is a reality; such as many other heart-breaking things are in the world.
It’s so fucking messed up: women have their beautiful parts stripped off them because SOMEBODY decides their body is shameful!
That it’s dirty!
And more, that feeling pleasure is a sin and that they therefore need to suffer for the rest of their lives giving painful births and excruciatingly agonising lives with shitty or non-existent sexuality (the space that allows for so much healing in the first place, right!?)
WHO DECIDES?! God damn!
This shook me so much, because not only did I understand the depth of this injustice.
It revealed my own power to me!
I just couldn’t go grinding the dance teacher job anymore, barely getting by and not being able to put savings on the side!
Deep down there are people who are being crushed by the system who need someone from the western world to reach their hand!
WE HAVE NO IDEA about the power we truly own in the West!
NO FUCKING CLUE!
You see the system is so smart, it makes you forget about what’s going on the world.
It’s so easy to get entangled into your own little life, trying to get from month to month, falling into the slumber of the western grind. It’s like a slavery system that makes people run like mad hamsters who never get off the wheel.
So I had to come to the other side, living on the edge to realise the self-fulfilling madness prophecy I almost ran into too.
Believing that there’s nothing I could truly change.
Because that’s what it gets down to: we believe there is “nothing” we can do; because there’s hardly anything we can do to take ownership of our own time, money, energy and family-connections.
The western grind makes you fall asleep to your own power.
And so I faced this situation these past few weeks, where I thought I was going mad:
one of my close friends called me out, some family members called me out from their side:
what the heck was I doing? living off the system? talking about making millions? and orgasms? and running out of cash?!
come back into the safe cage!!!
YESS!!! AND IT’S FUCKING OPEN!!
So as a free bird flying wild in paradise, here I am taking the leaps of faith I never thought I would!
I’m doing it for a cause!
And it’s much bigger than me!
I’m having to shed my beliefs around EVERY thing: money, relationships, wealth, success, human connection, emotional drama, all kinds of drama.
I’m having to stand fierce as a true Panther hissing and knarling at those who enter my field to place bombs: it’s flipping sacred lands down here!
And nobody gets to enter and throw my trees down!
As much as I had to birth the courage to say NO on that day I took the abortion: it was coming from a place of protection for my future child: I’m NOT allowing for us to go down the grind, to be abandoned, to feel like a burden, I am NOT going through pregnancy (the most beautiful and stunning space a woman can find herself) emitting emotional despair vibrations into my baby. I am NOT allowing anybody to decide how messed up my life will be or won’t be. I will NOT give in to the temporary validation over the long-term repercussion. Especially, if I have the choice as a Western woman.
And what happened:
I got to say HEAVEN YES to all the things that mean the real deal to me, and I get to say YES to impacting women on a large scale!
I get to live my life in harmony with myself, taking care of myself (my time, my energy, my money, my dreams) and I will sure the heck teach other women how to do the same!
I believe in the freedom and the power of love we can propel in the world.
We are such amazing beings!
I can see the power of owning up to my shit, ALL OF IT, now!
When there is a greater cause at action, the universe moves mountains for you.
I know I will succeed.
Alone by writing this blog post and sharing my video on facebook, I am already miles ahead of the sayers who don’t slay.
We can take the leap.
We can decide!
I am nobody to decide.
But YOU are!
When I saw other sisters around me succeed.
Make tons of it!
And do it by propelling and supporting other women who in their turn were doing the same for EVERY person they touch!
I KNEW that I was onto something.
I just COULDN’T go back to my mediocre life anymore!
Spirit lifted me off the grounds of the “moist selfish needs” to never return back there.
I vowed I would never return there and I would help everyone who wants to reach for the heights of colours.
And so the Soul-Drone took me on a butterfly flight:
where flowers blossom at their own pace, in divine time, beneath the sunny warm skies.
A full field of spring flowers, colourful, radiant, dancing in the wind.
Luscious abundance I could barely see from below now made complete sense.
This is what we came her for.
All the birds are whispering.
The web of information is buzzing.
All the bees are humming.
It’s time to shed the fears.
It’s time to claim our fierce nature within.
It’s just time.
I am nobody to decide.
But you ARE!
And when you do, come say hi!