For some reason, I never seemed to fit in.
When all my friends left home to study law, linguistics, engineering and all the traditional paths, I decided I’d follow my dreams and go to a dance school.
I knew that deep down, nothing would ever keep me safe apart from my passion, my fire, my joy.
I grew up in an environment of hustle and self-sacrifice, all my role models as a child seemed to be caged up in a modern slavery scenario where hard work, scarcity, “getting on with it” were the means to just get by.
Secretly, this always felt out of place for my own pursuits.
I needed to figure this out, how could I crack this code?
I was rebellious by nature but also incredibly brave, as I only noticed in the past years. Truly I never really did it quite like everyone else around me. I got used to “doing it anyway”, despite the doubts, the proclaimed fears, the breaking of rules, the hissing eye-brows.
In London, I was FINALLY going to go out into the wild jungle of the unknown:
make my dancer dream come true!
I came to experience how slowly I began to slip into the same grind as my role models, working long hours, no days off, taking jobs to “secure the bills” instead of daring bigger and bolder.
My life got sucked out of me, I turned the fire down, felt small and powerless.
I fell into a relationship for all the wrong reasons: interest; safety; emotional dependency, idyllic future projection.
And there my dreams drifted off along with my mental and physical health. It all came shattering down on me.
I was overworked, depressed, burnt out and sucked out of life.
My co-dependency kept ruining my emotional well being and most of my relationships, my social life was a wreck. Even though I had amazing friends; I just couldn’t seem to enjoy life and there was nothing anyone could do for me. In acute pain, I turned to therapy.
Then amidst the crumbled dreams and beginning to lift my head a little, a positive pregnancy test.
Like an alarm ringing through the fog my soul eventually pierced through.
The middle of chaos, in the peak of the eye of the storm it all goes quiet: it becomes the most alert state ever:
How did I get here?
When did I lose track?
Where was I going like this?
I dawned to me that I was completely incapacitated to take on motherhood for any human being, if I couldn’t mother myself first.
Despite the rules and voices in my head I walked into the amphitheater, trembling, crying, filled with all my emptiness that echoed with shame, fear, guilt, relief, pain, hope, despair, loneliness, adrenaline.
This pregnancy and the abortion ignited something in me that had never been so tangible to me.
My most primal instinct woke up.
This power of my body to create life, my womb and the wisdom she had had been attempting for so long to find a voice, but I couldn’t hear because I never became quiet enough to listen.
Right here, there was no escape anymore. The fierce Goddess had arrived.
I had to face it all, take responsibility for all the sh*t that didn’t work and create an re-create from scratch over and over. All of it.
So, I invested in myself like never before: courses, travel, books, retreats, wellness, time off, time in nature.
I called the things away that no longer served me: wavering boundaries, toxic people, self-sabotage, dull diets, limiting beliefs, scarcity thinking, looney running, people pleasing…
It was painful.
But I took faith that the long term wins would show. One day.
I took more and more courageous action.
Walking into abysses I knew not how I would find a way out.
The most recent one when I left on a world trip with £500 in my account and built my online business from scratch in the same swoop.
Returned home 10 months later on a business class seat with a new wild tribe in my heart.
I turned into a Magic Manifestation Queen and began to see the effects of my gifts I fed to others during this transformational time.
I understood that my fire and my passion is absolutely infinite.
I am the creator of my own life.
I took on the strength and boldness and walked the paths I never thought were possible.
Women fascinate me.
The capacity in a woman’s heart to love, re-invent herself, go beyond all horizons used to be a miracle to me.
It has now become a certainty.
Once a woman turns to her womb and surrenders her life to her spiritual essence, it is a must that she WILL be guided, she WILL go beyond herself, she sure as heaven WILL rise over the ashes and ignite the fire anew.
I did it.
I lived it and I am not done yet.
My favorite mantra I recite with loving fervor:
When I believe there’s more, there’s sooooo much more!