Journal entry, 25th May 2018, Hoi An, Vietnam
“I was contemplating people’s reactions to Death today with A.
Life is such a gift.
I’m sitting in a Cafe named Reaching Out. All about sustainability, help & service to others. It’s so tranquil here. I love the peace that emanates from the buildings & cosy streets here in Hoi An. A 45-minute bike ride took me here and I’m truly glad I came. I realized that there’s so much lushness here in Vietnam, especially along Da Nang Bay heading down here. Such greenery and the sea. They’re building lots of new resorts. Everything is just so new and advanced and still, surprisingly so quiet in comparison to Hanoi.
I’ve also been contemplating on M., my beautiful love who entered my life with vivacious joy a week ago. How I adore to be adored by this man. Wow.
I keep pondering about when my “soulmate” will be coming in, whether it’s him or whether it’s someone else.
I kept desiring to be passionately taken by a man, even several men, as I was glancing across the sea and sand on my way down here.
There’s a Dark Goddess Energy that I haven’t yet fully tapped into. She makes my yoni quiver. She’s so powerful and ferocious. She commands to be consumed. She orders her lovers to kneel & bow down before her beauty. She doesn’t allow anyone to ever possess her or walk all over her. She knows she’s worthy. She’s a Warrior Goddess.
So I was wondering: what it’d be like, to let this energy loose in my life, in my business, in my ways. I felt it activated quite a bit after ISTA. She started to fade when I went to Australia. And now she’s back again. She’s desiring to be heard and seen. She desires to play more. She knows she’s worthy of every single wish of hers. She’s unapologetic. Unafraid. Untamed. So fierce and so wild. She claims her land, she claims her worth, she claims her dreams and slays.
She’s passionate. Alive. Free. She kicks ass. She’s bold and ferocious. She watches her land, her territory, her people surrounding her carefully. She’s grounded and discerning. Very discerning.
All the “love & light only” is BS. She doesn’t take it. She refuses to submit to anyone who puts her beauty, her respect, her body, her dreams & desires at risk. She refuses to bow into victim hood or desperation.
She’s radiant, too. She steeps her feet in divine love. In sacred purpose. She knows she’s got shit to do. She doesn’t waver or fuck around.
Her time is counted.
Her gifts are holy.
Her purpose on the planet is exactly in full alignment with everything she’s about to guide me into. The reverberations of her cries and her mourns, her screams shake the world open.
She’s here to be heard and seen.
She’s here to move mountains.
Her echoes shatter cages and chains wherever she steps. She’s not even in service anymore. She doesn’t serve. She teaches by embodiment: that nobody’s here to be chained & caged to serve, ever.
She’s here to live. She’s here to be free. Untamed. Unpossessed.
She changes her mind as many times as she likes because she knows that she’s the authority. She doesn’t need to please or do things “right”. She already knows she is.
She doesn’t need to run and nurture everyone. She is the nourishment embodied.
No messing around. No taking from her without consent. She’ll crush you. She’ll make it clear that you won’t stay here long, unless you’re ready to kick ass and commit.
All the way.
All the way down.
I’ts out and up, we’re not going back to the old ways. The cliffs there have crumbled already. It’s only forward from here.
Inside her palace, however, behind close doors she’s all of the lightness and grace. Her very essence is pure light, pure divine flow. Pure delicate flowers. Sacred, holy. She relaxes and eases into the flow.
However this can only happen because her strong King has built the land and territory in such ways to protect this divine nectar. He’s poured so much love and bliss over her until she naturally eases out the tension, allows the walls to come down. Only the ones deemed worthy, and proven to be so multiple times, are allowed to enter her sacred luscious gardens.
And they’ll rejoice in the most amazing beauty, filled with scents of roses, intoxicating ecstatic, filled to the brim with her love. The testing will never end, for her radiance and beauty are infinite. Her fountain quivers and refills over and over.
He’ll always be proving and enjoying to prove himself worthy over and over, and so he’ll be bathing in her holy waters until the end of time. It’s an infinite dance of pouring and pouring of energy.”