get your tissues…… (you might cry)
So I’ve been on a quest. A quest to shift my income streams.
Automations, masterclasses, coaching calls, uplevelling my packages, high-end selling… reading all the books and all the courses I could find on wealth consciousness and how to make cash (especially online!).
Like every quest of the hero: you have the idea, you scratch your survival gear together, you take off into the wild jungles, you fail multiple times, plod through the mud, hurt yourself, bleed, cry, bump into people who pick you up, you lose your tools… all of them… and then someday somehow. You make it. A glimpse of the sky and the steep mountain you’ve climbed.
Hot damn! It’s almost nauseous to peak over the heights.
Well let me tell you I failed 300 times at this money quest.
I left on a world trip with £500 in my account, ran out of cash multiple times, saved my coins for the 1 meal a day kinda thing. Begged for clients and all sorts of things from the universe.
Empty echoes. () (()) ((())) (((())))
Rewired all my stories, crossed my beliefs out on hundreds if not thousands of pages. Burnt incense and prayed to the angels all over again.
I reworked my packages again and again. Ditched desperate offers online. Tried the cold calling, the re-kindling. Took on loans and even had my brother filter some cash through so I could make it through the end of my world trip!
Holy smokes! But I did it!
So ONE THING clicked today!
Healing my first beliefs around money and wealth.
I wrote them all out.
Separate fragments of my inner child’s soul, born in Portugal, only a decade after the gruesome dictatorship fell. Still so much suffering and pain concealed in the wrinkles of my grandmother’s face. Such hardships and tremors on the pavements clicking with horse’ hooves and echoeing goat bells from hundreds of years. How could the simple life there have influenced me in any negative way?
It wasn’t about ME, my love…
The treacherous life full of survival instincts steeped down into my great grandfathers’, grandfathers’, then fathers’ shoes.
A young boy growing to carry the burdens of thousands of years, now showing up as a man who had to leave his 4/5 year old children behind for a “better life”. Probably facing so much of the “victim mindset”, “no freedom”, “whatever you do will never be enough for them” in comparison to all the rich dads in Luxembourg, picking up their smiling kids from school, committedly taking them to ballet and saxophone classes.
Here I was feeling like I had not had enough time, enough support, enough this and that from my adult role models.
I eagerly wrote it all out.
Proceeded to 20 mins of meditation.
And THIS experience hit me hard and began pouring down my face:
This wasn’t like the other “MONEY BLOCKS”.
I began releasing forgiveness for chains and chains of karma steeping my whole lineage into famine, poverty and hardship.
All shuddering down my body.
Then a huge wave of GENTLENESS…
At first a new perspective of a distorted kaleidoscope image.
And then more and more clarity:
my father’s actions were a product of desperately wanting so much better for me. So much more for me.
In all these years, he didn’t complain about his pain, about his wounding. All this time his silence (I had mistaken for absence of presence), was in truth: a DEEP ACT OF LOVE.
So unconditional, you pass it by like a beautiful rose on a day of utter slumber.
So I got up and held my father in sobs for all the love that returned from places I had forgotten to look.
Here it was filling me in depths I had never seen.
For him and the very precious relationship we have.
To all those who came before us and may take sighs in their tombs now. Acknowledging all the growth and bravery and courage they had taken.
THE WEALTH CONSCIOUSNESS THING
It goes beyond, far beyond the possible.
When you enter the field of what was always meant to be for you, the distortions of what was NEVER you can’t resist but crumble in the eye of pure love.
When you actually RECEIVE the physical and experiential understanding of your soul’s calling, there’s no other place to turn but GENTLENESS.
Kindness and gratitude for all the paths that have been threaded before you.
THIS WEALTH THING CAN’T BE DONE WITHOUT GENTLENESS.
THAT’s where your manifested money is hiding:
in ALL THE PLACES you closed the doors to love.
All the places waiting to be re-filled with your unabiding presence, even if it hurts.
Behind all the doors you locked your loved ones out and chose bitter silence.
All the places waiting for your to conquer them anew and own up to the power you have deep down to create and design your life.
More vulnerability and the exact process in my group today:
That life beyond your wildest dreams…
ya know, the one that tears the oceans apart.
It won’t just touch your dreams.
It touches all the dreams of those you touch.
(Photo: an impromptu adventure trip to Lisbon with my dad for my birthday a few years ago… our first trip just the two of us together ever! aren’t we just both cool kids 😛 )