(how my period initiated me into a life of success and feminine flow one bleed at a time)
My moon started flowing last night.
Usually my first moon day is one of release, rage, wilderness, heaviness. I feel tired and very self-critical, judgmental. Basically all the things that I haven’t felt peace with the past cycle, come to the surface and cut me like knives.
It’s not very pretty.
Not very aesthetic and so I often shy away from people around that time.
I just want to go within and be with me.
I still remember the days I used to just push through this phase of my cycle.
I didn’t know about the subtle energetic shifts in my body.
I didn’t know about how to make space, ask for alone time.
I’d just get stuff done like any other day of the month.
How did I never click that my moon has superpowers?
Well…. simple answer: we just don’t receive education on this. Having a period is at the most “an annoying thing you’ve gotta handle in secret every month”. Get the tampons and get on with it, … gosh… isn’t that cray?
I mean I get so psychic. So extremely sensitive. So overly porous to the external world. It’s like I feel other peoples feelings, thoughts, energies even better than they feel themselves.
On my first moon days especially I need extra care, extra walls, extra boundaries, extra alone time, extra zooming out. For myself, for my body, for my balance. The cramps, the back pain, the breast swelling, the brain fog. They all take center stage.
So now, I send the lover off. Postpone calls. Pick up a journal, a warm blanket and snuggle up with a cup of tea. I cry. I release. I roll up like a foetus and just day dream. When my moon comes over for a visit, I know better solutions. I relinquish in there, I allow myself to feel. I let the purge of life to stream through and wash over me.
How did I get here?
I’ll resume in 10 mile stones on how I got attuned with my flow.
It’s been a journey of self discovery for sure. A path of testing through trial and error, daring, asking for help. Learning. Implementing different tools and habits. Wayyyy before making it a non-negotiable and recreating my whole lifestyle around my moon.
1) dumping the pill
Stopping the pill in October 2013 after 7 years of feeling “off” all the time. (I actually speculate the pill set me up to match the wrong partner and exacerbate toxic patterns with myself… more about that another time). It was inhibiting my real emotions, bodily reactions and changes and was making me feel depressed and disconnected.
2) flow lifestyle sync
I read The Woman Code by Alisa Vitti around that same time. Amazing book if you want to understand the hormonal balance and what to do about syncing your lifestyle around the moon flow! From ovulation to flow, from flow to ovulation and everything in between. Noticing the ovulation twitches and beginning to make a relationship with the slight alterations of my body, emotions, energy levels and symptoms during my cycle.
3) the menstrual cup
The discovery of the moon cup in 2014. Wow, I only bleed this much?? haha.
October 2015: the doterra essential oils came to me. From this point I never took painkillers or antibiotics again for infections and pain. The oils are a serious blessing in my life for mood, meditation and anything relation with PMS, hormones. There’s so much you can do with them, I’m still learning passionately.
Moon grids. I started to familiarize myself with the Moon Phases and how my period was syncing with the Full Moon and the New Moon. I’d create activation grids with gemstones, candles, oracle cards and other natural material on my altar.
6) period vs ovulation and fertility
The abortion in February 2016. Indirectly this is related with my moon, because I was so in sync with my flow that I noticed immediately that I was pregnant. I even wrote in my diary about 2 weeks before the test, that I had a feeling I could be pregnant (this was around 1 week after conception) because I was “abnormally full of energy” before my cycle was due. The procedure happened very early on in the pregnancy which I believe was very beneficial. Meeting my Spirit Baby completely grounded me into the knowing that having an abortion was the right thing to do for me and him.
I had a copper coil placed in around the same time, because I didn’t want to take hormones anymore. There’s a 2.5 year journey of pain almost every day, even if just slightly and very very heavy periods. Thank god I had oils.
7) womb awareness
This whole experience actually set me off to connect so deeply with my womb, her wisdom and all things related to the feminine and masculine. Moving from wounded/disempowered to aligned/empowered. As with every aspect of growth, there’s a physical, an emotional, a mental and an energetic layer.I quit the toxic relationship in May 2016 and this set me off to exploring my sexuality through freedom and joy. I connected with over 30 lovers platonically, sensually or sexually. I discovered about pleasure and my multi-orgasmic body. Rooting into my body for guidance, through feeling and even more sophisticated tools of awareness, deep inner work and spiritual-somatic practices.
8) moon blood rituals
I began pouring my blood into the earth in the Summer 2017.
Right when I came out officially with my online biz. Huge downloads set me off like woohoo. I offered my blood in every country on my world trip that I bled in, sometimes even created rituals with flowers and ashes to send into the earth.
Around February 2018 I began ingesting my blood. A few sips at first as I was really reluctant with the taste. Then a bit more at every cycle. By May 2018 I’d never throw any flow away into the toilets. I’d either drink it or offer it to Mama Nature. If I’m in a big city I take the full flow, because either there’s no “nature” or I just don’t feel aligned with placing it there.
9) healing and education
In October 2017 I took ISTA Level 1 Shamanic Sacred Sex Retreat in Arizona which opened up a whole new bag of tools for me. I could feel my power as a woman for the first time: I could be loved and accepted with ALL my emotions, all my backstory, all my desires and dreams. I activated my Power Animal, the panther and so much anger and fierceness poured through me. I truly feel I received 2 years worth of integration work in 1 week here.
Connecting to other women in casual conversations and finding out about ingesting moon blood, conscious conception and natural birth control methods I’d never heard of before was amazing. I’ve experienced the importance of sisterhood circles and why us women need to gather.
I received a womb blessing and clearing by a shamanic healer in Thailand whom send off all the cords with lovers and traumatic events that happened in relation to my femininity and sexual energy. It was a very powerful session where I saw all the debris pouring out of my womb of “possession and ownership blueprints” as well “abandonment and betrayal”. He didn’t suggest anything of the kind, this came to me: I was screaming like a wild woman in that room.
I removed my copper coil in July 2018. It was a huge relief.
Little anecdote, I actually did it myself. Not that I advocate for doing that, but I just had the download I could and should so after watching a few YT vids, I did…. I’m a little gangster-panther sometimes…).I attended many other retreats and events on femininity, tantra, sacred sexuality and read heaps of books. It’s inspiring to know that there’s so much out there to explore and learn from.
These past few months I began to notice huge shifts in my energy levels. Instead of 3-4 days of floppiness I’d be quirky after only a few days and now only a few hours.
Even the PMS symptoms have begun to subside dramatically. I used to curl over for days before my period would come along. Headaches and brainfog. Duh!
The best though are the magical alignments and synchronicity. It’s like my outer world started spinning faster and bringing me things in ways that were just miraculous.
I began signing clients with ease, understanding that polyamory wasn’t quite up my scale, I’d set boundaries like second-nature. If people feel off, or not aligned I notice it right away. My psychic gifts shoot through the skies.
I’d randomly think of a person and when I look, they’d sent me a message saying they were thinking about me! (This happened to me before, but these past year it’s just happening all the time, like 3-4 times a week or a daily)
The overall ease and creativity are flowing even more. I just “know” and I open up to executing ONLY what feels completely right in my heart and womb.
People magnetism is pretty dope, too actually: I’ve rarely had toxic clients who seem to string me up with over giving anymore, or who feel like a drag. My current clients slay with power and are such gems to work with, so attuned, so connected.
My friend-field also changed. I’d get wired in for hours on calls with overly drama-queen-situations and sucked up in trying to rescue, help, support when they weren’t willing to do just one bit. I also lost a few people, but I trust they need to either walk their own lessons or our paths are not aligned at this point.
Previously I was open to just free flowing with various lovers. Probably connected to my digital nomad lifestyle of moving around all the time. Since coming back to Europe, I changed the connection with all my lovers and removed the Eros vibes. I’m now desiring to build a bond with one man, it’s still very early stages, but I’m just allowing myself to be worshiped in ways that feel good to me. In gentleness and flow. No rush. No huge sexual surges. Just flowing from the heart and remaining present with playfulness, fun and alertness.
And then, the money flow!!! Oh my! The manifestations were amazing before, but they were gifts and generous offerings from people. I now actually feel like my money and cash flow are finally flowing regularly also in my business. I don’t need to worry about how to make ends meet or stress about clients coming through the door. There’s always work to do, and it feels good! It FEELS aligned!
And so here I am holding space for my moon flow which seems to desire to align with the New Moon these days. I had a sensual dance earlier. I connected. She came as a beautiful surprise without almost any PMS at all (even though I ate way too much, and too much of the “bad shiz” over the holidays). And still, she’s flowing with grace and ease. It feels so good. It feels so relaxing that I don’t need to push anymore. I don’t need to run the wild goal-setting craze.
Tonight, I’ll be teaching my Wild Women Circle
on Vision Board creation.
I just write up a few ideas, share from my own wild heart, have a blast with those gorgeous ladies and we do the goal-setting the goddessy way.
Allowing. Being. Dancing. Tuning in. Listening. Celebrating. And it gets to feel easy.
It gets to feel effortless because I know it’s the best way. My soul always wanted it that way: connected with my body, trusting the process, the cycles, the flow.
If you’re experiencing wild PMS symptoms or your moon is difficult or non-existent, reach out. You don’t need to push any more. You don’t need to work more or do more. Chances are you cut the network streams to your soul, because of XYZ: conditioning, unresolved emotions, trauma, a bumpy transition that aggravated your survival instincts and it’s not the end of the world.
It’s the beginning of a beautiful path back into your body, Back to where you belong.
Connected. Free. Nourished. Deeply deeply supported.Your body knows. Listen to her.
There’s so many secret codes in your moon flow.
They want to be seen, heard and loved.
Your Soul is deeply intertwined with your womb.
There’s real magic in you.
Sending you so much love beautiful soul