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Hello my loves,

wow, I can’t believe it’s been 2 years that I have launched this website and officially shared it on social media with my friends at that time.

I have.
Twice!

If you’re already triggered and thinking you stupid fucking bit$h!
Please… leave now!
This is not for you…

If you like it or not this stuff happens ALL THE TIME!
So, if you’re in for understanding something deeper around this pattern, you may hang out with me here and let me know your thoughts.

And if you’re married, you definitely want to be hanging around, too.

If you have a mistress or a secret lover… let’s see how far you can read without throwing your laptop out of the window or writing me an abusive email 😉
I won’t chew my words….

Alright, let me tell you briefly how this last story started, just so you get a glimpse of the situation.

Probably very similar to many stories out there.

So I was in Bali. I’m tripping around the globe right now.
It must have been on my second week there, after a very high-vibe Goddess day where I desired to spend some deep thoughtful time with myself, rebalance my energies and do all the witchy-spiritual stuff you do as an entrepreneur stepping in for a bigger mission on the planet (such as women empowerment in my case).

Now, I never thought, I’d be writing this post EVER! But I have to, because not only do I feel responsible for how this story could be affecting my expression (especially the one I love the most, the raw, authentic roar and gnarling one with teeth out and dribbling saliva of a black panther).
First and foremost, I want to you to see, that as much as I may be an inspiration for women, I too seek and look out to learn deeply from my life’s lessons.

Anyway.
So I was journaling on this situation I’m having with this lover (whom I’m just going to call Adam for anonymous purposes).
And I thought of doing the Byron Katie “Judge your neighbour worksheet” on this.

(If you don’t know it, you can download it here! Fucking amazing!)

And midway through, I started to look at my writings and figuring out whether I could turn this around. Or was I just seeking a way to “make it pretty”?
And then…. this blog post started to pound. Sentences, words, whole paragraphs.
And as I do…. When the creative call is on, I follow it.

I will leave a few photos of the writings I did, just in case you are curious to know more.
So here I am telling you the story as it has unfolded so far.
On that Goddess Day in Bali, I went to hang out at Alchemy, a really lovely vegan place.
My intention was to stay present, but also to remain in a sacred space mode: I’d only engage with things that seemed necessary and worthwile to me.
So there I am, salad and drink ordered, I pulled my tarot cards out and started to do a reading for myself, earphones in and off I was recording eagerly as if I was reading to an imaginary Lisy opposite me.
As I finished up, my food had already arrived and I started munching, when I noticed someone looking at me and ask “Hey, do you do many readings?”.

I nodded, mindful and poised. And I added: “yes, but I don’t really advertise it though. I see this as a sacred divination form, but a lot of people interact with it, giving their power away. So I’m always careful, because I don’t do the you’ll-find-your-soulmate or you’ll-die-in-3-days-BS to keep you hooked to pay me more.
When spirit speaks it comes with a voice of love but also the one that stirs you to dare more, bolder and such. If you’re open to that, I may consider giving you one.”
“I would love that”.
“Sweet, let me finish my meal and we’ll talk later!”

Random as random can be.
I admit, not everyone would respond this way, but I give people what I think genuinely, most of the time. Nothing to lose. This is me. He looked hooked.

Thereafter followed a really compelling exchange on travel, spirituality, love and soul connection. I have to say, I really enjoyed it. And I relaxed, too. He’s actually very charming.
Only a short while later, I found myself sipping on my juice at the same table with him and his friend.

We didn’t do the reading since the conversation flow was so beautiful, so I agreed to yield my number so we could get to business later in the weekend. I also said, hey, there’s a swimming pool where I’m staying, you’re welcome to come hang out with your friend.

They seemed friendly and really interesting. Why not.

A few text messages that evening and we were on it. He was leaving in a few days and as it is, you either meet with travellers while the iron is hot, or you’ll probably never see each other again.

That would’ve been a shame, since he’s so interesting and we truly seemed to be on the same page with so many things! Let’s go for a drink!

A few hours on, a really deep conversation on the cosmos, the universe had formed this beautiful cocoon of connection and attraction. Looooong looooong eye gazing moments. I sense some serious chemistry building. Such deep understanding, A bond emerging. Enticing!
After his elegant invitation to a kiss that melted my heart on the spot we were dancing this gorgeous dance of love and passion igniting.

I am a free woman. Even though I have two beautiful lovers whom I adore deeply, we are in the agreement of open flow, as long as we feel good about our interactions… plus I’m travelling for an undetermined time right now, so this is just the most authentic for now.
Also, opening up to another man does, in my mind, in no way take any of my love away from them, just clearing this out of the way (this would be another post as a whole, I guess).
And in fact, this allows me to write this article from a discerning perspective, too, since we have this stunner connection that helps me to see through layers that I would never be able to see on my own!

Thank you my loves ❤

What developed from that kiss, was a magical free flow: from conversation, to connection, to love, to hot and firey love-making. Tantric and stunning.
Like in a movie, truly. If there was an esthetical way to love and connection we definitely hit all the checkpoints!
Orgasmic states for hours, short naps that seemed to kick our hearts alive for another round of laughter, lovemaking and joy.
It was truly perfect in every way, starting with the connection and bonding first and foremost: the physical expression was just a natural extension of this.

We spent a whole day together and it was mindblowing, my body still carries the impressions of those moments, so much so, that I feel that this meeting was just not a coincidence.

For the spiritual babes out there: we definitely met in many past lives. There is a much deeper force at action when these things happen, and so I completely honour and respect the sacredness of this union!
It has taken shape in its own way and that in itself is beautiful, of course.

I guess, this is also the intangible part to love and meeting people.
Some forces pull us in without our own making:  trust me when I say that this man carries a very desired signature of a man for me to settle and have kids with. No offense to my existing lovers, they already know anyways.
YET,  there’s a catch! (obvi….)

Never in my healthiest mind would I have thought that a man would open up to me in such ways with this explosive secret that changes EVERYTHING to the interaction we experienced.

Not once, did it cross my mind!

When he was gone off on another island, we had the phone call that shattered my heart into a million pieces. Not only did it shatter my being because this connection was so powerful and strong and I “wasn’t allowed” to have it.
This withheld news shattered my heart because of the role I play in the world of stepping in for women, helping them to own up to their wild Goddess power, to claim their boundaries, to be fierce and bold and to dare to live the life they deserve in love, connection, abundance and joy.

There I was “having an affair with a married man” and hurting another woman without my consent!
Yes, you may call me out here! I did not ask AND I didn’t even think about this!
As I now understand, he very well stirred the question about family and having children in the direction of keeping this a secret. A truthful man would have immediately raised this and happily discuss the lessons and challenges of marriage.
But you see the “happily” is the problem here.
And the truth of un-happiness creates this whole space of possibility and the grass being greener on the other side. And also the fear of displaying the raw hurtful reality:  this isn’t necessarily the topic he wants to talk about, since he’s not happy.
And this being said, even with the most overt and direct question in the world, people WILL keep what they don’t like to display a secret.

With the news, also came the admitting that he had experienced having a mistress before. It wasn’t his first time? aha… a pattern. Nice!

And here I am, in my wild Goddess robes calling him out on this.
I remained loving and understanding. I have experienced being in the affair roles before.
I have actually been on both sides, so I know what it’s like.
Deep down, the fear is always that we will lose love (and all the forms that love comes in: respect, admiration, acceptance, kindness, understanding, approval, validation, honour, status, power, etc etc.)

It hurts!
Yes, it fucking hurts!!!!

As a facilitator and sexual priestess I can catapult myself beyond my own pain, I can sift through the layers, put my own emotional experience on hold and navigate us out through the situation.
But it will always catch back on me, and I will always need to process this on my own, especially when I am affected directly, such as in this case.

In the following conversations came his understanding and decision that in order to receive and feel worthy of real love, he will have to raise this situation with his wife. Maybe not immediately, but as some point it will need to be raised.

You see the hurt never hurts the other ultimately (even if it does, of course).
The biggest damage we do when living a lie, is always to self.
One may not see it immediately, but the real hurt of infidelity always hurts us the most, for the story and the meaning we attribute to ourselves while we live this lie.

And this exact fear of losing love can keep our donkey-mind (chasing behind the carrot) entertained for as long as we check out of the situation.

So I agreed, that we could meet again, with the intention of elevation.
With the intention of experiencing a deeper meaning to love and sensuality that he may take into his marriage and feed into his life, but especially into his marriage.
I absolutely honour the role of his wife being the woman who came first and the woman he will choose first, regardless of any experience he would have with any other woman.

If you are dating a married man, you NEED to be okay with this.
You will always be second choice to his wife.
It’s not about his wife, it’s about the persona he grew into alongside his wife, as well as all the people entangled in their lives (family, friends, habits, possibly children, community rituals such as celebrations and birthdays).
You see there is this web he created that will be very hard to let go of, because letting go of a partner means to let go of a whole life inside you (this is why we grieve when someone breaks up with us or dies).

Here’s where it all gets a little tricky, and I can totally relate that my perspective on this may be a little revolutionary.

I’m a rebel. Sorry, not sorry!

Those people whom he is attached to, may not have an open-minded perspective at all, they will not have the emotional vocabulary to even understand the depths of these layers.
Not everyone can’t just walk up to their parents and say, hey I cheated on my husband, without ruffling some serious feathers.

This is exactly where this married man you’re dating starts to split off into a double persona, if not triple or multiple persona. And he will have figured out how to do this very well!
(especially because this need for approval and love stems from a much deeper part in his life, and he has endulged into the ways of “pleasing to gain something” for his whole life possibly”.
Pointing fingers out of the way: we ALL know how to do this.
White liese, beautiful lies, who may not be so white for the love we are so able to receive, if we actually dare to.

So he will create this perfect world with you and possibly love you deeply and passionately, but he is simultaneously entangled in this other network with commitments and other love languages that he can’t sever from.

Entering a relationship with a married man with the expectation or conviction that you “are better than” or “worthy enough to leave his wife for” is a beautiful illusion that will keep both of your donkey-minds entertained for as long as…. You… check… out… of…. It…

There’s this stunning hologram that you both create together,
that will remain alive for as long as you feed it.

Only yesterday I had a call with a client who is more in love with the “potential” of her man than her “actual man”.
This is keeping us caged up in the highest form of lack of integrity.
It may be pretty looking, and it may keep up all your hopes and it may even make us believe that this is love and that it’s worth it, after all.

Well, It’s not, really.
You are loving the projection of this life more than the actual life.

This causes a series of havok in our vibrational body: we keep telling the universe that it is ok not to receive the real deal. We are ok with remaining passive and numb (such muddfuckin bitches for our system!! Gah!). We attach all sorts of meanings around the terrible truth to make it “pretty” and “okay” when it’s ugly AF and when we are slowly dying inside.

This form of death is a killer to it all.

We start to dim our voice.
We start to play a little smaller.
We start to hide this and that.
And then we start to lie better and bolder.
We create this whole damn fake life.

Our creativity stagnates.
Our wealth stagnates.
Our love to others stagnates.
Our love to self stagnates.
Our dreams are put on hold.
We then wonder why life is so hard.

How can we possibly find the ultimate connection to the universe and feel ignited by our life when we don’t dare to show who we REALLY are!

This man is a beautiful human being.
I love him dearly, and I truly feel that his heart is warm and means well.
But I can’t stay in touch with him.
As long as he keeps himself stagnated on such a deep and profound layer of his life, I agree to this vibration, too.

Our week’s meeting was beautiful, it was paradise on earth.
I got to experience what my future relationship with my man could look like.
The universe sent me into this experience with a conscious man, one whom is deeply connected to himself, to the world, to life’s beauty, to art and love and all things art, poetry, music, dance.

And this is true for my other lovers.

Yet the catch is, that he IS married and that for now, he is not available to me as my partner.

The catch is very important!!

And so I’m having to be truthful and honest here.
I got to experience the signature of a relationship I desire.
And I’m also having to take responsibility for my own actions as if my life depended on it, because it ACTUALLY does!
I can see how my mission, my business and my self-love depends on this, so my LIFE totally depends on this action.

Me severing this relationship fully is a call to trust in the universe that I CAN attract my soul partner in crime.
It is an act of faith.
It is a act of belief and deep love.
For myself and for my partner who is already on the way.

I get it, your family may never understand this.
This path of truth isn’t for everyone.
I hear you. It’s hard.
I hear all your flags and fears come up. All your excuses why you can’t and won’t.

Sure.

Now, that’s out of the way.
So what do you choose now?

You see ultimately choosing this man for the illusion is ALSO pushing away all the ways that the universe may love you more, show you more, unveil more!
Yes you may cry. You may hurt. You may feel lost and sad.
But you won’t cry for as long as it will last if you remain in this self-sabotage pattern.
You may feel ok with that for a while.

The jungle will always call you back out.
If you have this wild beating in your being, you KNOW!

Here’s a prayer that you may want to use.

I choose to set myself free from this burden.
I choose to release a perfect picture so I may receive truth.
I choose life and creativity.
I choose standing fiercely in my truth.
I choose love, deep, divine, real and raw love.
I choose a partner who is a perfect match to me now.
I am open to miracles.
I am open to receive the life that my higher self desires for me.
I make space for my dream partner to step into my life now.
I am ready for you.
I am here, eagerly waiting to jump around your neck and kiss you passionately.
I am ready for us to travel the world together.
I am feeling your hand holding mine as we wander the roads of our beautiful planet.
I am so full of love for myself and for you and for the connection we share.
I am so ignited and moved by your amazing bold heart.
I love how you show me freedom in new ways.
I love how you bring us both back to love, over and over.
I can feel our spirit babies.
I can sense a glimpse of the life we are to walk together and create a bond that strengthens and grows over time.
I desire to honour you and worship you and feel honoured and worshipped by you in equal ways.
I can see us elevating everyday.
I can see us crying and releasing in each other’s arms.
I can feel this unabiding love grow strong and bold.
A gentle caress, a firm hold, a porous touch, a profound gaze.
Presence.
Space.
Love.

Thank you for reading.
Lisy xo

I always thought my success had to come from my own doing alone.

I always believed that the only way abundance, joy and love would come to me is if I did more:

work harder, longer hours,
connect with more « likeminded souls » so I could be entertained,
do everything to make people feel good, modify and change myself all over so that I could be loved more.

The chameleon lifestyle.
You tint by the colours of your environment.

This is wonderful news to the saboteur in us all.
She loooooves to measure all the temperatures and colours outside and quickly shift them so balance is achieved; to thereafter beat you hard when your colour keeps shifting back to your « ugly » own.

All the while this trick may work wonders for real chameleons in the jungle, it depletes the human who is yearning to be free.
Wildly free.

Now that I’m journeying around the world and assisting amazing human beings into a life that’s wilder than their dreams this truth here keeps hitting home that I’d like to share.
It would be highly counterproductive to keep taking the chameleon’s path.

1. a strong leader needs to be ok with the pain, their own and especially other’s. Pain and rough edges are a natural symptom of growth.
When a client is shifting through her own stories of distress, discomfort and discord she is actually expanding.
« Changing colours » immediately would completely rob her and myself of the power of the process as well as the beauty of true victory: elevating into a higher plane of love as a natural aftermath of pressure.

I often feel like a midwife in the process of journeying with a client: we both breathe and push together into birth and the peaks of oxytocin. It’s tremendously beautiful.

2. Making things about me and my success will always set me up for low vibes.
My client’s and my own most powerful breakthroughs came when I hold space from an elevated place in my heart.

We live at the centre of the huge orchestra of the universe. Our heart IS connected to it all: our dreams, our tribe, our experiences are all weaved together in the mass of the cosmos.

Nothing happens from our own doing alone: we congregate with the universe on everything that comes our way.
Whether it’s conscious or unconscious: the magic starts when all the instruments tune in together to create a mindblowing symphony. What a pity it would be for a sax to feel bad and attempt being a steeldrum, right!?

We owe it to our power within to vibrate at our very unique tone. Sing baby!

3. Toning down my voice, my needs, my gifts in hope of gaining greater love from my loved ones (including family) and clients is a miss most of the time.

You can’t please everyone.
You can’t work with everyone.
You can’t save others before saving yourself.
Your family and friends may never understand what you’re doing and it’s not fair to leave your decisions into success up to them.

The world out there needs you. Seeking immediate validation from all angles will destroy your business as well as your love for life ultimately.
Be brave to grow into your own wise mother and father.
Be bold to show up for those who need to hear you out.
Be fierce when it comes to speaking up on truth, yes even if it’s ugly!
Dare to say no to clients!

It’s the real you, the wise real deal who will sell your programs out! Not the desperate run amok craze!

Your partner, your friends and family might never get you: love them anyway! If they honestly care they will care more about your inner joy and genuine happiness than « what you put out there ». Dare to have conversations that stir up and propel more love. Dare to draw limits and boundaries!

4. MF’in elevate like never before!
It’s a treacherous path to walk where nobody walked before you: you got this!
Keep going, keep shifting, keep doing the biggest challenge first, keep believing.

Success never comes planned: it will always surprise you in the lurky corners.
Be courageous to slay through the wild.
Bring your wolves with you.
Create connections that support your journey.
Ask for help.
Offer someone a hand.

Us wild women thump for heartfelt connections: there’s tons of us out there. Howl louder!

Remember the stars you’re made of!
Ignite your gold!
You matter!

Here are the chicken-stories:

so, the reality-check 1on1:

YESS!!! AND IT’S FUCKING OPEN!!

empaths won’t like this but should read it anyway – stop calling narcissists out

I recently had a chat with a dear one about narcissism and the pain he was going through with the realisation that he may be a narcissist. Someone must have pointed it out to him, possibly with a hostile demeanor. So now he’s fighting this inner demon that was laying dormant for all his life, and is starting to understand the impact it had on his life all this time, especially in relationships.

And right there it doomed to me that I had never witnessed this perspective from that up close.

Have you ever wondered about how a narcissist may perceive being pointed fingers at?

Well, never had I!

And I started to understand how incredibly unfair and downgrading this would be for anyone to have to carry.

When you google narcissistic behaviour most of the copy that shows up clearly puts narcissists in the enemy field and the empaths are on the good side.

Never did it occur to me this could be viewed differently:

me too, I had been convinced by the crowd for most of my aware time.

I had shamed and blamed my ex for years on end, with ruthlessness: he’s selfish, he doesn’t really care, understand, he’s emotionally unavailable, distant, disconnected, a bully, a tyran…

That’s the beast that lies dormant in an empath: when we don’t get our love the way we want it, we turn into very smart distortors of reality: we go deep AF into the manipulation game, most of the time we play this game to convince ourselves of being the good person after all, we have been victimised and it gives us some kind of power to abuse the perpetrator in return.

Holy Guacamole…. I can’t believe I just wrote this!

At the expense of being bashed by all the empaths in the world: I actually don’t care, you see.

It doesn’t make any abusive behaviour you experienced by narcissists right.

I’m not taking sides!

What I’m exposing here is a bit of the terrible truth most of us deny ourselves from (including me for a very long time).

Also, I’m not going into the physically abusive patterns, because that’s a whole other ball game (even if I believe that what I’m about to share could be the bottom line to that extreme outcome)

WHAT IF?

What if Ns were here to help you create stronger boundaries, that you never knew about until they stepped over them?

What if Ns are to fuel the greater power in you, by inviting you to speak your truth, no matter what! To showcase your true needs and intentions, even if you feel deep down you don’t deserve them?

What if Ns are serving you tough love by displaying all the ways you are forfeiting your own capacity, potential and ability (especially the one to walk away or remove yourself from destructive situations)?

What if Ns are themselves desperately seeking love and approval, but got lost looking in the empty corners?

What if Ns were once victims before, perpetrated, abused, disappointed, abandoned, neglected over and over again;

so much so, that the only option out of this excruciating pain was to develop a very intelligent defense system that is uncrackable for any emotion to sicker through?

You see, from my experience Ns lived in highly triggering environments: it’s something they had to cope with so often, that it became a norm to manipulate and go over all the red flags to receive some form of love. Now, even if they numbed out emotion altogether, it actually catches back up with them, because no human being can live without love.

Did we all just get lost in the blame jungle?

It’s so easy to blame

So easy to judge

So easy to find the culprit who can take up for all our shit we never wanted to see, because deep down, us empaths are desperately seeking to be saved, rescued and hidden away from the awful reality:

we are just as messed up as the narcissists when it comes to fighting for the golden grahl of love!

Yes we are.

We allow ourselves to be flakey and wishiwashey so we don’t have to take responsibility and action for our dreams.

We waver with our opinion everytime we feel a slight hinge of disapproval (even if it isn’t real, but the reality of our mind takes over).

We have desires but are to clenched up to ask for what we really want (maybe we’re afraid to be called out? Most of the time though, I feel we just believe that we don’t really deserve to receive all the way, especially not on a big scale)

We secretly hope that someone else will come, read our minds and save our world, because we feel so powerless at the big wide & cruel land out there! Rescue me, I’m a Princess syndrome…

We tie the narcissists down by pleasing and smothering them with love and lushness, we trick them into our mummy laps, to make sure they will never leave us.

We take care of them and give them all we can (and CAN‘T give) and then… when we don’t get the attention and love we so desperately need (because we poured it all away to everything and everyone) we smack them back with blame and shame and emotional withdrawal.

Often we just didn’t read the signs properly: they never promised us flowers in the first place, but we expected diamonds!

We do everything to mask our true feelings, our pain and sorrow. We much prefer to get busy healing and fixing others. And we spend so much time and money on quick fixes that entertain us rather than solve the problems at the root (psychics, watching youtube self help videos that comfort our empathic views, restaurant dinners with friends to „feed away“ our drama, courses and workshops for successful relationships, chocolate and wine – tons of it)

Only, speaking for myself, I don’t think I really „loved“ the guy I was with (I had experienced what devoted love was, because I had been in an amazing relationship before him, so I knew the blue print of balance in giving and receiving). Yet, I was to cowardice to admit it: I rather held on than to be a „bad person leaving him“, rather gripped every inch of him than to admit I was unhappy and that we may not be a healthy match, much rather hijacked all his attention away from his dreams and desires of success, than take empowered action to fuel my own dreams (that actually scared TF out of me).

The list goes on.

Ladies and Gentlemen:

Welcome to the ring of codependency!

Here are the rules:

let’s tie each other over and over in the name of love, and as soon as we don’t receive what we want, we pull the ropes tighter and tighter until we bleed our inner children’s hearts out.

And if we ever decide to finally remove ourselves of this toxic circle, half of us hit the elastic of the ring and go boxing for another thousand of rounds, because the fear of being out there, off the limelights that numb the pain with righteousness, could be too uncontrollable.

So let’s keep fighting and bleeding each other out.

(please take my sarcasm lightly)

Now, isn’t it wild that we both were seeking love and acceptance in the first place?

And we both actually need help doing so.

There are no victims.

There are no perpetrators.

There’s no rescuer even.

We just learned how to ask for love in all the dishonest ways: from our parents, our friends, our surroundings, even from movies!

I wrote this to light up the pathway out of this crazy vicious labyrinth:

We all deserve love.

Especially if we need to lick our wounds from our past that keeps putting our own hands into this wild wrestling.

Slow down.

Remove the hands.

Breathe and feel:

your pain can be your catharsis.

Get help if you need, allow yourself to be humbled by the love that has been coated under all your shields of defence metal.

It is not your role to take anybody’s pain!

We are all beings with a choice at the end of the day, we decide on our own growth and expansion in our own time.

Be gentle with yourself.

Be much more gentle with those who hurt you.

Be so gentle to walk away from what is causing you harm.

You may return later, but take time out now.

Go integrate your pain all the way first!

We’re divine beings, full of sovereignty!

Beneath the veils of these patterns there are human beings aching for connection and for acceptance.

And we’re so incredibly deserving of it all!

LisyButterfly

and what came to reveal itself is far beyond my imagination

So last night I found myself in a striptease club for the first time in my life.

I had received opportunities before to check it out, but never felt right about it.

Yesterday, it all fit in the flow of the events and to be honest, I told myself: if I am to powerfully communicate about sexuality and sensuality, I should know what the darkness feels like, too.

So there I was in this old savvy place, with nude young all dolled up girls walking around me and a handful of men.

I noticed there was an asian lady, too, from possibly hindu backgrounds, sitting next to a man whom, I purely assume, was her husband.

Her look was not truly delighted.

And I quickly realised, why it couldn’t be.

If she was at least as tuned into her heart as I was, it was rather obvious.

The first girl dancing on the pole had a very disconnected demeanor.

I could sense she was just totally checking out of her body, maybe she had been doing this for a long time.

From a conversation later I take that this was “just another night on the grind”.

One of the men in my group, started to become a little touchy feely with me, and I kindly pushed him off.

Some allure must have taken him, that if I had walked all the way here with them, there was some kind of “ok-ness” about being touched or desired.

It also somewhat placed me in a position of more vulnerability, truly, because overtly he didn’t feel he’d have to “pay me”, right.

Oh well. Wrong.

I have my boundaries on check point most of the time now, thankfully.

This being said, something interesting happened.

As much as I entered to be just a witness from afar, it looks like the universe had a different experience in store for me.

About a moment into the watching and noticing, I asked one of the other guys if he was feeling turned on by this.

No, not really he said.

So why do guys go hang out in there?

Married, frustrated, low vibes he said.

All the while observing carefully how the women were interacting with the men, both in my direct presence and further away.

Body language is a beautiful thing, it speaks without words.

We kept moving closer, and before I knew it, I was right upfront on the VIP seats near the stage area.

And then that the touchy-feely dude placed a couple of notes into my hands.

Shit!

I didn’t ask for this!

Very uneasy at first, feeling like a perpetrator.

I eventually relaxed and became curious about this position, watching the men lavishly scanning the girls’ beautiful graceful erotic moves.

It was so weird: I had entered the club with the intention to be a witness and here was having the full-on experience in the seat of the usual customers.

One of the girls kept playing with me, and I sensed a lot of discomfort in my body receiving her attention.

I briefly clipped a note it onto their body wear.

Oops, this actually meant she was to give me more attention and there I sat being danced for.

Wow… I felt like I was raping the girl’s sovereignty by offering her money for this volatile visual exchange.

And this moved me to the core, truly.

A few moments down the line I saw in her eyes, that the discomfort I felt, must have been three times worse when she needed to offer her body up to the men’s objectifying attention.

I sensed that having me there, instead of a grimy dude could also be a comfort for her: so I blasted my sisterhood love on her intuitively. I let her play, knowing that I wasn’t perpertrating her no more, I was simply holding space in a very strange way.

And then, everything hit home:

Everything lit up a fucking fakery show to me.

I felt like I was in the middle of a movie, and a part in me wanted to just become invisible so as not to touch any of the cards in the pile, just so I could see the truth behind the veils of the role plays in action.

Right in the middle of a shower: mixed emotions, mine and others’ started to rush right over me.

All revealed and bare suddenly:

Numbness.

Despair.

Loss.

Desperation.

Frustration.

Competition.

Insecurity.

Limpness.

Eyes.

Bodies.

Disorientation.

Arousal.

Shame.

Guilt.

Disconnection.

Repression.

Denial.

Pretentiousness.

Honesty.

Reality.

I suddenly saw both of the parties being caged up.

Held hostage by their own beliefs and self-fulfilling prophecies and experiences.

All the stories, all the thoughts, all the emotions.

Both the men and the strippers were going through the SAME stuff, even if on various levels of the game.

Some emotions were there, expressed in the non-said and some were well hidden below layers of righteousness and alluring power.

The strippers believing that the money they will earn will save them, that displaying and disconnecting from their bodies may be the only option they have to create abundance in their life.

Maybe also, the submissive attitude being the only way they can survive in this world, the only thing they can adopt in order to receive what they so wish for.

So much grace flowing in as well, surrendering to the ability their bodies have to move in a sensual and sexual way, having developed this incredible skill to flow with visual beauty and eroticness.

I truly honour their space, yet I can also feel the amount of disconnection that needs to happen in oder to let go of their body being their temple.

The amount of desperation in their eyes could not be hidden: to me, feeling the woman in them, I knew that something else was at action, a somewhat distorted inner force to “cope” and “get shit done” in a harsh and self-depleting way. Not to say that every stripper experienced this, but just tapping into the question that if they could do something else to earn the same amount of cash, they most likely would not be sacrificing themselves in this manner.

And I feel, that THAT truly is where the pain body arises and became so vivid to me when I was watching them: they don’t want to do this, yet they are locked down by their primal need for survival and the stories connected to this. There is a desperate scream for help in their whole beings: they want to be saved from these grabby glimpses, deteriorating their self-worth night by night. The shame and guilt they experience is also very obvious, especially when they press themselves hastily back into their tiny lingerie pieces after their performance. Quickly, when the job is done, they sweep their earned notes together, most of them found it hard to move around in heels that are way too high.

Then, briefly moving on to the next client to entertain: in eager hopes they can get that extra dough in a private room.

And for the men in there, those souls desperate to be seen and validated. Seeking love and connection, even if how they are seeking this, is rather far from reaching any of it.

Totally wasted, throwing the cash on the stage and into the girls’ panties. Supposedly they should feel powerful right?

So much uncertainty in their masculine: being visited by the girls and receiving interactions and glimpses from them, yet not knowing how to handle themselves.

Some completely infringing boundaries and smacking them on their bums with the notes: extrapolation of repressed aggression.

I believe that the men in that space yesterday were far more in pain than the girls, even if it isn’t as obvious, because their “power position” masks it away so smoothly.

Below the surface of fake power and dollar bills lies the unexpressed burn: they’re misunderstood, scalded, scorned, blamed and shamed males.

Let’s be clear: no man can feel truly wonderful and self-accepting about himself when in this space.

Having spent much time with empowered and dis-empowered men alike: they all agreed that watching porn, seeing prostitutes or visiting strip locations has dirty or guilt-tripping side notes.

A sensation of doing something “wrong” but incapacitated to refrain from it for the temporary validation of power highs to kick in, ridding themselves of excess sexual energy (as if it was something they need to offload).

And it’s so understanding when they have been so incredibly dis-empowered by what society and traditions expect from them: to be super heroes, to be wealthy, to take responsibility for other people’s shit and then please please please numb yourself, ok, get it on! Man up! Deal with it!

How could they ever feel loved or seen or supported this way, right?

They HAVE to disengage, they HAVE to become the perpetrators, they HAVE to abuse and rape in return because they haven’t been shown the way of the powerful man.

I don’t mean to go into the depths of the psychology here, because I don’t feel I have the right skills for it.

I’m simply sharing what I see.

A very intricate and perfectly woven tapestry of energy exchange:

money for survival – money for love.

The joker here is paying love for survival.

I woke up shaken to the truth that this calvary of souls truly exists.

No disrespect, but what the fuck is on with the world?

I had to yoga box my emotions out, so much sadness and anger at this reality.

And then, a conclusion lit up:

We are so much more than this!

And what I see is a MASSIVE invitation for men and women and human beings per say to take their power back.

I see a huge possibility for men to own their sexuality and request what they need, rather than going through the back doors.

Boldness and truth to get the types of love they truly desire and deserve.

I see a wave flooding over that we are so able to express ourselves sensually and sexually without the ridding of guilt and shame.

I see a beautiful expression of play and powerful interactions between men and women and human beings: to speak our minds, to ask for what we want, to make requests, to be specific.

And also: to speak out our pain in sacred spaces, to name how we have been hurt and dis-empowered, transcend and transform if from the core up.

I see women holding space for men, and men holding space for women, and men for men as well as women for women:

what if we could just dance beyond this gender stigma altogether and simply see through the veils of distorted actions being silent screams for support and love.

I can feel my whole being stretching in this truth.

I can see goddesses rising alongside warriors.

I can see divine spirits merging to co-create real intimacy and love, the ones that aren’t scared of the shadows and darkness.

I can feel children stepping forth to be birthed into a space where communication flows effortlessly, powerfully and collides into real empowered action.

Maybe it’s because I can see and feel all of this, too, that I am no longer ok to accept being treated in disrespectful ways, or to witness other human beings being dis-owned of their truth, sovereignty and power.

I believe we have the capacity to overcome many things, especially together!

Once we awakend to the things we truly desire we have the choice to move closer to them.

So often people and clients ask me when we will be done with “working on ourselves”.

This is like saying to a child: when are you going to be done with learning?

We will always remain children inside, seeking for more wilderness, play, love and joy.

It’s a natural state.

Let’s take pleasure and curiosity in learning about ourself, fall in love with ourselves over and over again.

Remain patient, remain connected, watch, witness and see the bigger picture.

This experience validated why I do what I do.

I want every single human being to feel so incredibly connected to love, so in their power and flow that these things will just flake away.

Our soul thrives in this space.

We can totally fly.

We already are.

Lisy Butterfly